even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Success! We fucked roommates!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
