Will you blow on my dice?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
