I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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