dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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