OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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