"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
