dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
