i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
