it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
