alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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