I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
