I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize