don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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