How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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