Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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