i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
