im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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