I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
