Having a random hookup so left but love u
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
