I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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