your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
