I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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