From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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