i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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