I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
