I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize