I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
