If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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