Your mouth is God's brothel.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
