just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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