Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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