Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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