just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
