sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
