Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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