So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
