Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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