I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
