Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As shirtless as possible
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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