i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
