Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
