I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
