doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
