this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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