have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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