Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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