no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
