She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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