Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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