I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
