My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i love accidental penises.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
