Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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