wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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