Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
