I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
