I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
