go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
