she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
