Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
