I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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