If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
