ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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